I've Got A Surprise for YOU, Cracker Jack...

...your 'secret toy surprises' suck donkey balls, brah. Seriously. The last time I picked up a box of Cracker Jacks was about 2 years ago, just because I was curious to see what kind of toy surprises kids get these days. I fish out the familiar white packet from the box, eagerly tear it open and what do I get? A shitty photo of a dog, printed in wrapping paper type stock, maybe a little bigger than a postage stamp. It's not even a fucking toy! My friends open their 'prizes' and are the unfortunate recipients of the same lousy mutt. Actually I think one of them got a different pooch, but you get the idea. I remember reading somewhere on the photo 'collect all 5!' Uh, no thanks morons. I guess sometime between 1979 and the present day the douche bags at Borden just stopped giving a shit. What a travesty. Below are TRUE Cracker Jack prizes from the late 70s that kids today have regrettably missed out on.