Reading Is Fun

McSweeney's Lists and Archives. Best. Site. EVER. Random sampling below.


Categories I'd Be Sure to Win In on the Show
Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?

BY MANDY SCHICK

- - - -

Regrettable Bedfellows

Errors in Check Bouncing

Foods That Taste Good When You're Hungover

Guys You Meet in Dive Bars

The Crushed Pipe Dreams of Recent College Graduates

1,001 Excuses to Avoid Going to the Gym

The Perils of Having No Health Insurance

Drunk Jenga





Phrases on the Marquee at the Local Strip Club to Cater to
a More Literate Crowd.

BY JONATHAN SHIPLEY

- - - -

Ahab, Check Out Our Great White Tail

The Old Man and the SEE

Check Out our Trollops, Anthony

The Prince and the Peeper

Our Girls Even Drive Oscar Wilde

Romeo-oh-oh and Juliet

It's Ulysses to Resist Us

A Tale of Two Titties

Our Poetry in Motion Will Have E.E. Cumming

Leaves of Ass

We're Prettier Than John Greenleaf Whittier

Strippy Longstocking

The Hos of Kilimanjaro





Ikea Product or Lord of the Rings Character?

BY CALEY FELDMAN

- - - -

1. Faramir
2. Freden
3. Grundtal
4. Boromir
5. Molger
6. Galdor
7. Freda
8. Agerum
9. Babord
10. Frodo
11. Grima
12. Akurum
13. Brunkrissla
14. Sultan Högbo
15. Deagol
16. Grimbold

Lord of the Rings characters: 1, 4, 6, 7, 10, 11, 15, 16.
Ikea products: 2, 3, 5, 8, 9, 12, 13, 14.





THE MAGIC 8 BALL AMENDED BY MY MOTHER
FOR MY MIDDLE-SCHOOL YEARS.

BY KATE HAHN

- - - -

Very doubtful. But you brought that on yourself.

- - - -

As I see it, yes. But when was the last time you cared what I thought?

- - - -

My sources say yes. And they have no reason to lie about seeing you at the mall in the middle of a school day.

- - - -

It is decidedly so. I just know.

- - - -

Outlook good. Let's see how long that lasts.

- - - -

Outlook not so good. See?

- - - -

Better not tell you now. You seem upset and I'm afraid you might do something irrational. At least that's what Time magazine says about teenagers.

- - - -

Signs point to yes. The incense, for one. How stupid do you think I am?

- - - -

Don't count on it. Or on much else if you keep going the way you're going.

- - - -

Yes—definitely. Oh wait, I thought that was your sister holding the ball. For you, no.

- - - -

Reply hazy. Try again when I'm off the phone with my boyfriend.

- - - -

Concentrate and ask again. I can't abide poor grammar.

- - - -

My reply is no. Crying won't change things.

- - - -

Ask again later. Maybe in 20 years, when you'll understand what you put me through.

- - - -

You may rely on it. Let's just hope "it" can rely on you, too. Poor "it."

- - - -

Yes. As long as an adult is present and your grades are good. So I guess it's actually no.

- - - -

Most likely. Especially if your friends are already doing it.

- - - -

Cannot predict now. But, if your past behavior is any indication, the results will include my picking you up at the police station at 4 a.m.

- - - -

It is certain. Everyone blames the mother.